I do find praying to be very difficult at times. There are days when I am quite not eager to meet Him. It could be the flesh being weak. It could be because life, at times, I feel is not fair. There are days when I feel like, just slouching.
When praying becomes quite trying, I talk to God expressing how I truly feel at that moment. Tired. Desperate. Sad. Reluctant. I am never afraid to ask, “God I find it difficult to connect with You now. Where are you?”.
Can it be that my pained wondering in that moment, is prayer in itself?
When I am truthful, I find more meaning in my prayer. There is absolutely no point in me sugarcoating it – God knows and understands me well. I know I can’t hide anything from Him, even my deep-seated emotions.
During lockdown last year, I wrote a children’s book called, “God our Father, Are You Divorcing Me Too?”. In the book, a child expresses his heartbreak over news of his parents’ divorce. He describes his anger, despair and sadness using imageries such as a volcano erupting, a grazing of his knee or a lamb which is lost. The book reminds me of what prayer should be like.
Prayer should be a baring of one’s soul; a no-holds-barred, unrehearsed conversation with God. He knows our struggles and He never looks at our misgivings or doubts but always looks forward to every conversation we have with Him.