I do find praying to be very difficult at times. There are days when I am quite not eager to meet Him. It could be the flesh being weak. It could be because life, at times, I feel is not fair. There are days when I feel like, just slouching.
When praying becomes quite trying, I talk to God expressing how I truly feel at that moment. Tired. Desperate. Sad. Reluctant. I am never afraid to ask, “God I find it difficult to connect with You now. Where are you?”.
Can it be that my pained wondering in that moment, is prayer in itself?
When I am truthful, I find more meaning in my prayer. There is absolutely no point in me sugarcoating it – God knows and understands me well. I know I can’t hide anything from Him, even my deep-seated emotions.
During lockdown last year, I wrote a children’s book called, “God our Father, Are You Divorcing Me Too?”. In the book, a child expresses his heartbreak over news of his parents’ divorce. He describes his anger, despair and sadness using imageries such as a volcano erupting, a grazing of his knee or a lamb which is lost. The book reminds me of what prayer should be like.
Prayer should be a baring of one’s soul; a no-holds-barred, unrehearsed conversation with God. He knows our struggles and He never looks at our misgivings or doubts but always looks forward to every conversation we have with Him.
Appointed by God 