anxiety – Appointed by God

Peace be with you.

Dave Canovas

I joined FB just few months ago. I refused to have one, most of my entire adult life. I thought it was rife with negativity and I thought there would be triggers there for me. Not good for my mental wellbeing but somehow thanks to the “snooze” option my wife taught me. That way I could avoid people posting messages of hate, sexism, racism and bullying. Just as there are positive messages out there, it is also replete with messages that could disturb your peace.

Peace is so hard to come by of late. Wars are being waged everywhere ranging from small to large scale and everything in between. Keeping an ear to the ground of Philippine election and politics has piqued my mental wellbeing recently.

Too bad that it is just few weeks from Easter Sunday when we were reminded of the powerful words Jesus spoke; “Peace be with you”. Today I thought it is time to invite peace again in my life. In our lives.

Know when to give up. Maybe the story has to end at some point. Maybe the wheels have to stop turning and start recharging. Maybe the fight is not worth it anymore. The time to stop is when you become exhausted, unproductive, vengeful, angered, unnerved, confused. Perhaps the best recourse is to “accept the things you cannot change (serenity prayer)”.

Forgive and ask for forgiveness. When others hurt us or when we hurt others, that is when it becomes most difficult. That is when you feel heavy. You sweat during those sleepless nights. But when we forgive or ask for forgiveness, it becomes lighter on our shoulder.

Years ago when I challenged a 4 year old boy into capturing his thoughts into drawing, I asked “What does peace look like?”I was really impressed with what I witnessed – a love heart drawn on paper. When I asked, “What does war look like?”. He started to draw vigorously, chaotic lines. I knew it was really war that he drew because of his “angry” body movements while he drew.

It is time to choose that tidy love heart of peace rather than the angry lines of war. It is time to remember and live what Jesus said after His resurrection, “Peace be with you”.

What is the meaning of life?

Dave Canovas

This is a question that could be borne out of disappointment, grief, depression or even mere boredom. Whichever it is, I do not welcome it. It nags and gets me into deep thought. Deep thinking, I have come to understand, tends to be more of a liability for me than an asset.

No matter how I tried, this question does pop up from time to time and I really have to grapple with it but now I have been learning and been very quick to reframe it in a way that would make me avoid the pit of futile deep thinking. WHAT MAKES LIFE, LIFE? – is a question that really sounds better in my head in that it provokes “doing” and “action” rather than just merely meaningless pondering.

So what makes life, life?

Make “ordinary” things “extra-ordinary” again.

Very often, these “ordinary” things are being made redundant by our life’s routines. Routine for me is such a killer. We have always had these “things” in our lives – talked with, played with, used, eaten, lived in or enjoyed. These have become such a part of our routine already that we have overlooked their importance. Getting your dream job may have heaped our “hallelujahs” then. I wonder if we are as grateful for it, now. We only realise how much our loved ones mean to us, once we lose them. In most days, they tend to be relegated to just being the “ordinary”. I remember crying when we bought our first house but now I am finding myself wishing it was bigger. These thoughts could all be counter-productive so the solution is to make these things that seemed “ordinary” now, “extra-ordinary” again. Bite an apple like it is the sweetest and juiciest apple you have ever tasted. Drive to work with zest like it is your first dream job. Hug your wife and children like you are never going to see them again. Live your life as if it were your last. Well, you know, it could really be your last. I am really fortunate to teach pre-school age children everyday. They seem to never lose the joy. They always remind me to see the spiritual sense in even the most mundane of things.

Always think and strive to learn and avoid meaningless pondering. Why your neighbours are better off than you are, why you couldn’t be in two places at the same time, why you think people are mean to you or to each other, why people unnecessarily honk their horns during traffic – seem to be pointless thoughts because it gets you nowhere other than to spiral down. Thinking and striving to learn, on the other hand, is one built on purpose and could be actualised into something of value. Recently, I came across quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson which I have been reading over and over again. These are short but really meaningful and have great potentials to make me a better person. I have been constantly listening to Fr. Andrew Ricci’s podcast and have been enriched by his wisdom. Striving to learn new things is a start of greater things.

Act on your knowledge. Implement your plans. I spent my whole life wondering about the ‘what if’s” and the “what could’ve been’s”. I resolve to not waste another minute of my life focusing my energies on these, instead, to start to do, to act and venture into things I am most afraid of and in the process, add value to my life. What is the value of your plan if it remains a plan forever? At my kindergarten, we envision creating a community garden that could benefit our families. Sounds like a big vision but would not come into fruition if we do not attempt to start to work towards it. Whenever I gain new knowledge that deepens my Catholic faith for example, I share them with others hoping that it could impact on their lives as it continue to impact on mine. The home is a good starting point of sharing these. I make myself visible and available for other people and offering a life of service, as much as I can.

Always find time to connect with self, others and God through prayer. Prayer is a respite for the tired, an assurance for the weak, a celebration for the happy, a feast for the soul of the peaceful. Prayer can be all of these. We pray in all our seasons not only when we are in need. Prayer also transcends distance and time and allows us to be connected with the people we love. I have loved ones from the Philippines, USA, Canada, Middle East and Israel but I always feel that prayer still binds us together whenever I remember them in my prayers. Prayer binds me to God. It is always a wonderful place to quell fears, to heal, to feel love, to unburden myself and to remain faithfully connected with God’s promises.

What makes life, life, I learned, are overcoming yourself and getting past your past and your nagging meaningless thoughts. What makes life, life; is to start to put things together beginning with the little things and adding them all up to create a bigger picture of continuous learning, connecting and devoting to a life of prayer. That is the life worth living for with actions all done in the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

How COVID-19 has brought new light to what “church” means to me

Dave Canovas

Let’s go to church. Let’s go inside our hearts and open it up to the Holy Trinity. Let’s go to church, that is inside us, and make it a living example of helping others. Let our lips be the bearer of loving and kind words. No hatred, no pride, no arrogance, just kind and loving words. Let our eyes look at others not with condescension but with encouragement and compassion. Let our bodies, our church, speak of actions trumpeting Christ’s love.

The mention of “Let’s go to church” paints a picture of a family on a Sunday morning, going through the whole routine of getting dressed, driving a car, strenuously looking for a parking space and miraculously finding one. Then off the car and stands the church, beautiful and towering.

For the longest time that church, a towering structure, has been a symbol of refuge, hope and prayer for me. COVID 19, however, has some far-reaching effect on how I look at church now. Church, the structure, is still a beacon of light for me but somehow, the pandemic has brought another form of light in my life. It is not a floodlight and it is neither a blinding sunlight. The church I now know is a place, a candlelit place so subtle, warm and sometimes flickering but still holds up mightily, bringing light into this darkness.

Pre-pandemic, I was content with the idea of going to church, the building. Then the most unexpected and most unwelcome visitor came. That visitor brought lockdowns, deaths, anxiety, grief, job loss, fear. It has isolated people literally, in quarantine. I never thought, I would be reading stories to children via the screen of a gadget. Who would have thought that “going” to work in pyjamas would be a thing? It has brought tremendous anxiety to me and it still does, up to this moment.

During the pandemic, was born our altar at home, a more permanent one. Pre-pandemic, our altar seemed to have moved a lot, in the corner there, next to the TV here, in the middle or on the side – it was everywhere! It was during this very trying times that I have realised the importance of prayer and that the home must predispose me, my wife and my children, to it. Calming music in the background, candles, images – all completed the altar. We pray more now than ever.

Our family was no stranger to tragedy during the pandemic year. When our family needed to grieve and seek comfort from each other, it was extremely difficult. Our sadness was made even worse by restrictions of border control and physical distancing.

When weak, when desperate, when sad, when feeling alone, I say, let’s go to church. It is that candlelit church, I spoke about earlier. It is the candlelit church inside me, inside my family, inside you, inside all of us. In 1 Corinthians 3:9, it is said:

For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.

Let’s go to church. Let’s go to each other and find that light in each other. Remember, we are stronger and brighter together.

I say, Amen, to going to church together and let no border control and physical distancing come between us, the community of believers.