Values in action

Luke 15:13 – “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one or love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

I value my “family” but there were points in my life when my actions led me away from them.

I had some irrational obsessions years ago. Obsessing with fixing broken things at home or keeping the house insanely and perfectly tidy, was one of them. This came in a guise of “valuing family”.

Who doesn’t like a clean and tidy house for your family?I think we all do but for the longest time for me, it bordered on irrationality when even the tiniest things would keep my head in and would make me fly off the handle. I abhorred it when things at home would get broken or misplaced. I hated looking for lost things. That would be enough for me to have a fit. My feelings after exploding would be much, much worse.

Was it worse because of growing anger? Or was it worse because of guilt stemming from hurting the feelings of the people I love. Little things at home seemed really “big” enough to pull me and my family apart. I knew I needed help,

Never stray from your values. Work towards aligning your actions with your values. I came to realise this when I went through counselling for depression. People who suffer the feeling of inadequacy, worthlessness and depression, may have really admirable values in life like faith in God, family, friendship or diligence but our actions or inaction, like sinfulness, disloyalty, betrayal or sloth, could further lead us deeper down the pit.

What I found that I have always valued are faith in God and my love for family. I have always aimed to live by these in the past but was unsuccessful several times. I guess by not praying, I had not realized my faith. I guess by having a short temper over household matters, I had not been a good father or husband, either. Such was a mismatch of values and actions that tormented my soul.

My inaction, I knew, would only make matters worse. On the contrary, I learned later on that the more I spent meaningful time with my family and the more I pray and learn about God’s word; the closer I get to realise what really matters to me.

Now, I know enough that I value my faith and that, not praying or not learning about the bible, will only make me feel inadequate and more depressed. I still do struggle now but I know enough that I value and love my wife and my children, that petty household things must not feel big enough to overcome that love.

What does God say about our self-image?

Dave Canovas

It is very natural for human beings to need to belong or to be recognised but with billions of people in the world, who would actually want see you? You have BTS to contend with, brother.

The image of a child, a principle based on Reggio Emilia philosophy of teaching, is a concept that I live by when I am at kindergarten. In a nutshell, if your image of children, is that they are competent, strong or full of potential, then the way you teach them, will be based on what your image of them is. For example, if your image of children is that they are able, then you would let them change their clothes themselves when they get wet from water play, because as a teacher, you believe they could do it. For me, it does not matter if they have worn their shirt inside out. At least they did it themselves (Proud of you mate!). No offence to Filipino mums, but I have seen countless examples of them “rescuing” children in the times of need. Spoon-feeding, changing their children’s clothes, preparing their bags for school – all done by a parent, mostly, by mums. If you are a forty-something like me, you must have experienced the dabs of Johnson’s baby powder on your backs after play. Do Filipino mums still put Johnson’s baby powder on their children’s sweaty backs nowadays?

When children for a long time, are seen as able and powerful and allowed to act as such, then their self-image or the way they see themselves, becomes that – powerful and able. This begs the question – as adults, what is our self-image?

I have only been with Facebook, for literally, less than two weeks and man, the thought of people who might have seen my posts, the ones who clicked their like buttons or left a heart emoji, I must say, is quite intriguing. Well, I would eventually try to snap out of it as I have set the bar very low this time around that to be “successful” with my blog, I need to connect to at least ONE soul.

In this age, the number of “likes” we get, how we look, how much we have or don’t have, could sadly, cloud how we view ourselves.

It is very natural for human beings to need to belong or to be recognised but with billions of people in the world, who would actually want to see you? You have BTS to contend with, brother. I am highlighting what I believe in, that no matter how hard we try, there is someone out there, who will be more recognised, more seen, more popular, more handsome, more beautiful, richer and better at what we do. No matter how hard we try to garner the “likes” we aim for, we could still end up feeling unsatisfied, lonely and desperate. It is going to be an endless battle, that sadly, we could not win.

There is one practice that helps me improve my self-image and it is making me win life. On the wall, next to our altar is a wooden cross with words etched on it. It says: LOVED. It seems to me that thinking I am loved, I start feeling it. It brings me to my own personal memories in the past when God has been very faithful to me, never abandoning me. It brings me to the present when blessings are abound. My self-image that I am loved, just allows to be also hopeful and not to be fearful of the future. From Psalm 139:13-4, it says:

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Indeed, we are made to perfection. God loves us so much that He made us perfect in His eyes. We sin and God sees us the same way as when He first created us.

If our self-image is that we are loved, then, we tend to love others by being giving and being more forgiving. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). So the next moment you start feeling down, alone and unworthy then halt that thought! Because you are LOVED and that should remain our self-image for as long as we live.

Martha, Mary and the caterpillar room

Dave Canovas

When we are like Martha, we often tend to feel that time is running out. We often feel that life becomes an emergency situation. In that sense, we tend to miss out what really matters in a particular moment.

Humour does have a place in the kindergarten where I work. When things get very busy, and I mean, really busy, we certainly know how to roll with it. Imagine a room full of thirty children or so, with varying needs to explore, need to be heard or to be looked after physically (i.e. toileting) or the need to sit next to a teacher for an emotional coaching. I think I have heard “He hit me first!” stories a million times now. Sometimes, I admit, it feels like I am in the “caterpillar room”, I would often say jokingly, to one of my co-teachers. This is just to lighten up our moods. If you have seen Toy Story 3, then certainly, you would know what I mean. If not, just imagine children, turning the room upside down.

You might ask what strategies we use as teachers when everything seems to be out of control and when we seem not to know what to prioritise. At any given moment, there could be a child needing help with pooping or a child asking for help because his feelings were hurt. Apparently, the latter’s friend is not “inviting him to his party anymore”. Ouch! The problem is, I am not even sure if there even, was a party!

There is not one right strategy that could work across different scenarios, I must tell you. Even teachers disagree most of the time and we are just at peace with the thought that we can all agree to disagree.

What I am about to tell you, though, is a strategy that has worked for me most of the time – it always does the trick for me 99.99% of the time.

“Breathe, calm down, sit”. This is a strategy that I encourage, not the children to do, but myself to do first. Of course, it is a different story, when children’s safety is at risk. You have to be alert and quick. Definitely, sitting down while being aware that a child is about to fall from certain height, is never going to work in this scenario.

What this strategy of breathing, calming and sitting down, does is that it grounds you as a teacher. It allows you to observe more, to listen more and to be aware, more. It allows children to see you more, as that figure they could go to, that figure who looks calm and composed and as that figure who says nothing, but is aware of what is happening. Whenever I am in that “caterpillar room” sitting down, not looking bored though, but still looking interested with my lips arching upwards smiling; it always seem to be an invitation for children. It is me saying with my sitting, open posture; “Come sit with me”. Oftentimes, that moment could turn out to be a spontaneous storytelling session. I did not even have to yell on top of my lungs, “STOP YOU ALL. LET’S READ A STORY!” It could also even turn out to be just happy conversations about what happened the previous weekend. Imagine me on a couch with three or four children just exchanging conversations. Such is an important part of a child’s learning – for them to know when to take a break from their very restless lives.

What could work for me at work, I apply it to my personal life. That could also be the other way around. When things get really uncontrollably busy in my personal life, a lot of times, silence is key for me. This allows me to be more mindful. I notice, I become more vulnerable to discontent, to confusion, physical tiredness and sometimes, anger when I face busyness with an unrelaxed body, loud mouth and busy mind.

You might be familiar with the Gospel of Luke about Martha and Mary where Martha felt so inundated by the preparations for Jesus and his disciples’ visit. When we are like Martha, we often tend to feel that time is running out. We often feel that life becomes an emergency situation. In that sense, we tend to miss out what really matters in a particular moment. Most of the time, what matters in a particular moment is right before our eyes; a son whose hand you need to hold, your mum needing a hug, or just being there on a couch holding your wife’s hand.

We only realise the beauty of what we have by taking moments of breathing, of calming down, of silence. Silence is not boredom. It is such a grounding experience which brings clarity to our very, very busy life. Often, silence brings us down to prayer.

How can I teach Christian values in a nonsectarian organisation?

My first reaction was disbelief. Then it turned into amazement. That was when I first saw a 4-year old child holding a hammer, a real child-size hammer, as she carefully drove the nail down into the wood. I thought, “Wait a minute! You could get hurt.” Of course, I hid my panic in front of the other teacher. Later, I was proven wrong because the nail was hammered down into the wood, I must say, quite neatly. The learning? Never underestimate a child.

What followed were years of my love affair with the New Zealand early childhood curriculum where one focus is the learning of dispositions, for example, the child’s ability to take risks, to resolve conflict peacefully, to help themselves, to persist and not to give up easily, to ask for help when needed, among many others. All these learned, while they play.

I have been asked time and again, “Is that all they would do in the New Zealand early childhood setting? To play?”. I always reply with the most open mind because I know they ask, bringing their own cultural beliefs with them. Don’t get me wrong, but other “skills set” like writing, counting, drawing – all get learned in the play process. I might go in further detail how, in my succeeding articles.

Lately, I have been yearning to include Christian values in my teaching. Where I work now, is a nonsectarian organisation but we embrace ALL people, regardless of cultural or religious backgrounds with so much respect. A child, is never to be taken in isolation from his/her background. There goes my initial challenge – how do I teach Christian values to young children? Years back, I had an experience with another teacher who firmly opposed to the use of Amene in our Karakia (prayer) before eating because it is a Christian way of doing. I am very fortunate that where I work now, there is so much respect for who I am as a Catholic just as we have respect to each others’ beliefs and religion.

Having celebrated recently Christmas party with our kindergarten’s whanau (family) and tamariki (children), I have realised that our ways at kindergarten is very Christian, all this time. The tight hugs from parents while saying “Thank you for what you are doing to my child”; the conversation exchanges during the party showed immense interest in who I was and where I come from beyond kindy (kindergarten) and the massive attendance of people in the party as if saying, “We want to be part of this community.” – are all visible marks of being a Christian; being one with others, showing gratefulness and caring and loving others. Looking further back, the way we encourage children to use kind words and hands with each other, to help others when they fall from a bike, to give a teacher a glass of water or simply to listen to other people while they are talking; are all living evidences that I am including Christian values in my teaching.

There goes the answer, to my own question. I have been practicing Christian teaching all along. Now I see clearly no conflict at all in what I do as a teacher in what people likes to call a non-sectarian organisation, to what I believe in, as a Catholic.

Appointed by God

Feeling strange, I guess, is normal when you move to a new country. New culture, new people, new way of life and no surprises there; New Zealand. I came here with my wife and our two girls. That was 2011.

Quite “strange” was my profession of choice which was to be an early childhood teacher. The profession, I must profess, is so female-dominated that I was asked by a child once what I was doing in his daycare. In his complete disbelief, he asked me why I wasn’t working like his dad. Of course, I took no offence in what he said. Children? They say the most honest, amusing things.

Now going almost 10 years here in New Zealand and almost 8 years being an early childhood teacher, there were experiences that amused, surprised, inspired, and made me the teacher I am today, that I really wish to share with people. My “hat” as a teacher has been very storied when mixed with my other different hats which I wear everyday to work – that of a father, a husband, a son, a brother and a member of my church community (Couples for Christ New Zealand).

I must say that these hats I wear everyday are slowly making meaningful sense as I begin to believe that God appointed me to wear these hats. He placed me, of all places in the world, here in New Zealand, for a reason.

Let me tell you some of these stories in my upcoming blogs. I promise, I will be very open and respectful. Like everybody else, my learnings and un-learnings, still, are happening.